Two aerials met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'

Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it'

"Doc, I can't stop singing "Delilah". "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual."

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy said to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull"

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What, because he's cross-eyed!?" "No, because he's bloody heavy."

A guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my arse" "How's that?" "Don't you start"

Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was chewing a firework. They charged one, but let the other off.

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