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These are actual warning messages found on products!!
On a blanket from Taiwan................
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists................
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
On a Taiwanese shampoo................
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink................
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT
On a New Zealand insect spray................
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS
In a US guide to setting up a new computer ................
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids................
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles................
OPEN OTHER END
On a packet of Sunmaid raisins................
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
On a Sears hairdryer................
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING
On a bag of Fritos................
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap................
DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be how?)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box)................
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding................
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On a Korean kitchen knife................
WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights................
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?)
On a Japanese food processor ................
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts................
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS. (Really?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts................
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)
On a Swedish chainsaw................
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (What is this, a home castration kit?)
On a child's superman costume................
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)