My wife and I can't come to the phone
right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll
get back to you as soon as we're finished.
A is for academics, B is for beer. One
of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a
message.
Hi. This is John. If you are the phone
company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents,
please send money. If you are my financial aid
institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are
my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't
worry, I have plenty of money.
Please leave a message. However, you
have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will
be recorded and will be used by us.
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just
avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if
I don't call back, it's you.
"Hi. Now you say something."
"Hello. I am David's answering
machine. What are you?"
"Hi! John's answering machine is
broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very
slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of
these magnets."
"Hello, you are talking to a
machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do
not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets
are clean. They give to charity through the office and
don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me,
leave your name and number and they will get back to you."
"This is not an answering machine
- this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After
the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling,
and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about
returning your call."
(in a bored voice) "Heaven, God
speaking.."
"Greetings, you have reached the
Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and
what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang
up."